I will first apologize for the lengthiness of this post. It’s gonna take some strength for me to put it all out there, but I’m good with that. Yes, silent noise has been quite the case here at The White Library for the past few weeks. Oh where oh were have I gone? I know many of you have this puzzling question on your mind. Yup, I haven’t blogged in WEEKS. Oh that is sooo not me. So what the heck have I been doing? A little bit of this and a little bit of that. God that sounds lame doesn’t it. Honestly, I could poo poo around with some ridiculous untruths, but I have to be honest here with you and myself.
Photo via: Inslee
For most of my adult life I have struggled with depression. I didn’t recognize this about myself until a few years ago when I went into some deep self searching with a therapist. I realized so much of my past was effecting who I was AND where I had been. I realized some of the things in my life happened not as a result of my own doing or wanting, but rather because deep down, our past REALLY does effect who we become as adults. I couldn’t really pull myself out this time. I would lay in bed or on the sofa upset. Thinking… always thinking and it wasn’t always happy thoughts. I updated my facebook page here and there to seem as if I still had it in me, but I was scared. I kept asking myself why I couldn’t get out of this funk. Why is this funk lasting so long this time? Damn you soul searching, but it’s something I had to do. I figured out between it being more and more real that my one and only child would be off to college next year, working on a marriage that is so very up and down at this time, the stress of trying to “make it” and please everyone and trying to be the superwoman domestic goddess/business woman that I try to be, it was all to much.
I needed to step back. Shake it off, re-evaluate, rewind and head in a new direction. I am now trying to savor EVERY moment and make new ones with my daughter, instead of being sad about it. Trying marriage counseling (gotta do it right) and making a decision to blog about ALL the things I love about life in general. I want your visits here to The White Library to continue to be inspiring, but why not share more of the things I love with you. I have felt this little tug from my heart for a new direction for some time. From now on you will see more living ideas. From paint colors I love to living room ideas that inspire. From lip gloss recommendations to the loveliest bath soaps. I will be sharing more recipes for food and cocktails that I personally whip up (time to show off my skills in the kitchen). Of course as an avid crafter, there will continue to be fun DIY projects, as a wedding planner of course weddings will still be on the menu and no way jose are you going to stop seeing ideas for entertaining/partying with style (I love that topic to much) Those posts will just keep on coming.
Photo via: Inslee
I will also have a new space on TWL called Confessions: This is where I will share about me, good ol me. It will be the space where I let you into my life, as I feel journaling is a great way to share your feelings and keep some sanity at the same time. I will share my ups and downs as a mom, wife and business owner (as I know we all have them) the good news and the not so good news. The laughter and the tears. It’s a place where, from time to time, I may ask you to put in your 2 cents on something that is racking my brain. As women we all need friends who we can rely on right.
Also, on personal business note, I will only be taking on select new clients. If I’m not feeling the project, it’s not going to happen. I can’t overwhelm myself any longer. The White Library started for me as a place for me to share the things I love. It turned out to be so much more for me. I have met new friends because of this little space on the internet and I feel so blessed for it. I will continue to write and inspire you all and I hope that you will continue to come along with me on this journey. There are so many wonderful party/wedding blogs out there we all LOVE, and I will continue to feature weddings and parties, but I can’t just be about one subject as there are SO MANY things I love and that inspire me everyday and that’s what I want to share on TWL. (don’t you have more than one interest? Aren’t there things that you see everyday that make you say wow, or OMG that is so cute) I am back to reconnect with you my beloved readers, blogger friends and admiring companies who are so supportive of what I love and do. THANK YOU to all of you that have supported me in the past year. A new year is oh so close, so cheers and hip hip hooray to new and exciting things. XOXOXO
Category: Confessions
November 28, 2011
Thank you so much for sharing yourself in this post. I admire your strength to face challenges and your courage to share with us. For some reason, hearing that someone whom I admire so struggles just like I do, helps me feel like I might also have the strength to overcome. Your words will help many.
Sending positive energy your way,
Jenna
November 28, 2011
Thank you so much Jenna! We all go through ups and downs, and I just want people to know they are not alone. It’s friends like you that really make my day! XO
November 28, 2011
Thank you for sharing so personally, Sandra! Everyone struggles at some point or another in life, and it’s nice to hear your positive outlook!
November 28, 2011
Thanks you Erika. I am feeling much better these days! XO
November 28, 2011
Looking forward to all that is to come!
November 28, 2011
Thanks Jessica, looking forward to sharing! XO
November 28, 2011
isnt it lovely that you have shared this with us and felt able to, God bless xox
November 28, 2011
I couldn’t poo poo the truth you know, I have been brutally honest very often in the past (not always) good, so I felt I owed my readers that much
XO
November 28, 2011
The one thing I know for sure is that there is a whole group of ladies out here to support you in whatever you decide to do! Thank you for sharing such a personal aspect of your life! You are an inspiration and I think your blog will be even more of one now!
November 28, 2011
Alicia you are a doll my sweet and thank you so much for your kind words! XO
November 28, 2011
LOVE that you posted this and shared with us. Looking forward to seeing what you do next! Sending love, Jessica
November 28, 2011
Thank you my sweet
XO See you soon!
November 28, 2011
Good for you my dear! The strength it takes to get up off the couch and put one foot in front of the other – is an amazing thing to find in yourself. I am very proud of you and honored that you have shared it with your blog world. as always quite the inspiration! xoxo
November 28, 2011
Hi Sammy! You know EVERYTHING I have been through and thank you so very much for your friendship and strength. Love you much! XO
November 28, 2011
It all can def be overwhelming! I so understand all the soul searching and emotions that happen when your only child is getting ready to leave home. It is the 1st and last all rolled into one!! The year I went thru that, I felt the same way. DEFINITELY savor EVERY second girl! It will fly by, BUT I promise you will get thru it and realize it isn’t so bad. When they come home to visit, it feels like Xmas morning!!! Thru all that soul searching that last yr is when I started on my new career. It is a VERY hard journey for sure, esp for us mommas of one, but we have SUCH and SPECIAL bond with our kids
I hear if you need to vent or chat xoxox
November 28, 2011
Hi Marcie, yes I am starting to look at her leaving as just another phase in my life and I am sooo looking forward to her coming home. No one knows what it’s like to be a parent of an “only” unless you have been there, so thank you for the love! XO
November 28, 2011
Thank you for your honesty! I love that our TWIPS group has been opening up about our ups and downs. We are all human and I think that sometimes you need somewhere to turn to for advice, comfort, support, inspiration that our normal life doesn’t always fulfill. It takes a village!!!
November 28, 2011
Hi Layla, not as involved with TWIPS as I used to be but I love you all still the same. Thank you so much for being so supportive! XO
November 28, 2011
I am SOOOO proud of you! You rock in so many ways Sandra! I will definitely keep you and your family in my prayers. Lord knows I missed you, cause I am like a stalker/fan STAN..lol…but I really do love you girl, and I know the time away was necessary. It will all work out for the best. I KNOW IT! smooches ♥
November 29, 2011
Hi Talia, you are one of the sweetest friends I have ever met. It will be a happy day when we finally meet! XOX
November 28, 2011
It’s nice to have you back! I’ve missed your posts and missed you!! May the warmth of the holiday season bring you peace, health and happiness. Much love, Michelle
November 29, 2011
Beautiful Michelle, as always you are always there lending your love support and ear. I miss you and hope to see you soon! So happy to be back. I do love what I do! Big XO’s
November 28, 2011
I can relate in so many ways with what you’ve so graciously shared with us. Having been once diagnosed with clinical depression I know that there are some things you can’t just shake off. I’m happy to hear that you’re working through it and looking forward to your new journey.
November 29, 2011
Sandra, thank you so much. It was hard to make the decision to “share” but I feel awesome and so happy right now! It is a hard thing to deal with and only someone like you who has been diagnosed can REALLY get how much it can effect your life, but so happy to be back my sweet. XO
November 29, 2011
Sandra,
Girl, you are awesome! I love your blog and always look forward to what you have. I have looked up to you since I first came across your blog and I think you are beautiful
I think we all go through the same struggles and I love how when we overcome these hurdles we find something brighter and better than before- its just getting over that little hump that can be hard. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
hugs to you!
Stephanie
Exodus 14:14
November 29, 2011
Hi Stephanie, don’t make me blush
You are so sweet and thank you so so very much for the love and support you have show. Love that last sentence girl…LOVE IT! Many XO’s
November 29, 2011
Thanks for sharing Sandra. The pressure to be everything to everyone including yourself can be intense. Up and down marriage- check, financially supporting my household- check, pre-teen and toddler- check, uncertain career- check, scared to take a plunge into what REALLY makes me happy- check! I have been saying that I’m going to see a therapist for years, but still haven’t gone. It takes strength to get out of your comfort zone even when you think in the end you will be better off. I look forward to the new section of TWL. God bless my love.
November 29, 2011
Wow Keli, sounds like our lives are the same in so many ways, but it feels good to talk about it. Let it out and just be me. I want people know it’s OK, that life isn’t perfect and that we all go through things. Just know it gets better and that’s how I am feeling. Thank you so much for the love and support my dear. XO
November 29, 2011
Sandra,
I wanted to tell you that this post hit so close to my heart. I cannot tell you how great it is to see someone so authentic and genuine in their posts and in their business. It is so moving that you are posting the truth and your struggles. Businesses and our lives come with up’s and down’s. We are here for you and I cannot wait to see what you have in store!
Best,
Stacie Shea
November 29, 2011
Hi Stacie love. I think that has been the problem, we all try to be what people envision us to be when in reality we all feel pain. We all go through ups and downs. Although I am happy and feel blessed to have so many people (virtual and non-virtual) care about what I do and share, make me appreciate you all even more. Thank you so very much and YOU take care too! XO
November 29, 2011
My aunt took care of everyone, including me. I see and try to help out as much as I can, and she knows this. When she took ill, I told her she has to stop and let us take care of her. She lets us take control, once in a blue moon. During those moons, I tell her to stop and take care of number 1. It’s taken a while but she is now putting herself first. (She still slips.) But, my point is we want her around for a very very long time. So, in saying that, I’m impressed you shared and I’m certain that was difficult. I hope you find the path you want with your daughter, your marriage and TWL. And I want you around for a very very long time…your talents shouldn’t be wasted.
November 29, 2011
Hi Shiori, oh it was hard to share. To let my guard down and to be so honest. Wondering what people would say. But when I hit the “publish” button on my the post. I said “there it goes, can’t take it back. But glad I did share and glad I am going to live happier and share more of me! XO
November 29, 2011
Well, I know I am one of many who have missed you! Thanks for sharing. There are many, who share in one way, at some time or another, with depression. Speaking up about it, admitting it, finding help, both professionally, spiritually, and with friends and family is THE most important thing. Search out Scripture (the Psalms) to find comfort and healing. Excercise, eat health, and know that it is not a shameful thing to have to say no to some things. God loves you very much, and we too care about you! Merry Christmas, and peace to you.
November 29, 2011
Nancy, I haven’t read my Psalms in so long… I need to get back to my roots in that way. Thank you for your strength, support and encouragement. Happy Holidays to you and always be you. You are obviously a special woman! XO
November 29, 2011
Gosh, thank you so much for sharing with us. Althought I am relatively new to it…I love, love, love your blog. I look forward to seeing what you have share and appreciate your courage to go out and do and share what you love. Makes me feel like I can one day too leave the office and begin my own business. Just gotta get over having that “woobie” (security blanket) of employment. LOL! Oh, and my one and only daughter is now 10 years old. I can literally see her growing into a little woman now. Makes me happy and sad at the same time.
November 29, 2011
Hi Suzette, Thank you so much for taking the time to write me. You CAN try to step out of “woobie” start part time and see where it leads you. You want to be able to know your bucket list was checked off at the end of your life right. OMG 10, girl let me tell you, enjoy this age now, because after 10 they grow up way faster than we are ready for. Make memories NOW, savor them. Some advice I wish someone had given me. I feel liberated! XOX
November 29, 2011
Hi and welcome back! Thank you for sharing…….Your words could have been my words. Felt like someone was standing inside my head! Oh, joy…. but it really is a comfort to know someone else is going thru the same thing. Scary, but comforting just the same. Not that I would want someone to be in pain, but just knowing that we’re not alone with these crazy feelings. It does get better. I’ve seen three daughters move out (2 came back; LOL) Looking forward to future posts.
November 29, 2011
Amy, I honestly can’t believe the support I have received. I really just wanted to share where I have been (honestly) and where I am going, and it’s so refreshing to see that I am not alone. I feel so supported by you all and that I can get through anything. It is so hard to admit to going through this phase, but I feel so much better. 2 daughters!! WOW I can’t even imagine, it’s good that they know they always have a home
Lot’s of XO
November 29, 2011
I am so happy you’re back! And I’m even happier that you’re YOU. You were truly missed because you are a true inspiration for all of us out here who try and find our passion. You’ve taught me a lot and I look forward to more inspiration from your blog. Many blessings of happiness, peace and real joy to you. We’ll be praying for you!
November 30, 2011
Thank you Deb! I surely have missed you all. So glad that you are inspired with what I take the time to share with you all. I am so grateful for everyone’s love and support! XO
November 29, 2011
Sandra, thanks for sharing a part of you! I too have had some of the same thoughts and feelings. Being a part of SU, I’ve come to visit your blog numerous times, and I have to say that I’ve missed your posts. I’m happy to see you back, but more importantly, I’m happy that you’re doing what makes you happy because that’s the ultimate key. It’s such a struggle to please so many and juggle so much. It takes such courage to open up as you did and I truly admire you for that. Thanks so much again!!
November 30, 2011
Lissahn, thanks so much. I have missed SU too. Asked Chrissy for an updated schedule, but have heard from her yet. I am not sure if I told you yet, but I LOVE your blog. Always a good read! Thank you so much for taking the time to write and your love and support as well. Many XO’s
November 30, 2011
Thank You for sharing so much of yourself. It nice to know that one is not alone in this type of struggle. Keep up doing what you do… You will get through this and any other struggle you will face in life.
I know that reading this post has help me in taking another step in getting out of my funk. ~Hugs~
December 1, 2011
Hi Barby, thank you so much for taking the time to write. I am so happy if I could help just one person feel better and to get out of their funk, then I have done the right thing. Life is beautiful and you are special! XO
November 30, 2011
Honey, what a moving post…We’re all guilty from trying to bend over backwards at work, and we suffer as a result! I’m glad to hear I’m not alone!
Look forward to your new ventures, but most of all seeing what really makes you happy!! We’ll be here all the way to read and support it…
XOXO
Bird
December 1, 2011
You’ve been a true friend my little Birdie and so happy to call you that. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your continued love, supported and friendship. Many XO’s to you by “tweet” friend.
November 30, 2011
Good for you about being honest with yourself! I know that’s difficult. I too, suffer with depression and had to start a second medication for it. I struggle with this on a daily basis coming from an abusive mother, then finding myself divorced after 20 yrs. Then, losing my dad this year. It’s all too overwhelming at times. But, God never gives us more than we can handle. I firmly believe that and that everything happens for a reason. I am thankful that I had to wade through mud at times b/c it only strengthens my resolve that I CAN overcome. I know when those dark days come, it’s extremely hard to find that light at the end of the tunnel. But, be rest assured my friend, it IS there. Your plans to help you get there sound healthy and I believe you will find life more rewarding if you pursue the things you love. Don’t blog for others….blog for yourself. I’m one to talk…lol But, that’s why I stepped down from the design teams I was on. It was all just too much. I want to pursue another one in the future but, for right now, I have to do what’s best for me. Look out for yourself b/c no one else is capable of that. Only you know what brings true happiness. Devote yourself to those things that do. I am so grateful for the crafting community. In particular, the cardmaking family. They are all so wonderful, supportive and loving. When I first visited here, I instantly felt drawn to all the beautiful things you share. So, whatever your doing, it surely works.
Have a great day and God Bless you!
December 1, 2011
Hi Sue, oh isn’t it wonderful to know that you are not alone. I was so scared putting myself out there, but it’s so refreshing to see that there are others who go through the same thing. I am so sorry for your lose, but yes, God never gives us more than we can handle. Amazing how he does that
I’m sorry for the loss of your dad. I lost my mom at 14, and so many years later the pain is still so strong. You are a strong woman and life will bring you what you put out, good vibes + love + good energy = happiness & success. Lot’s of love. XO
December 1, 2011
Thank you for sharing with us! I love when bloggers get real and put themselves out there. Vulnerability is scary but whenever I allow myself to go there I am always glad I did! xoxo
December 2, 2011
We need to do more real don’t we Colleen. Life is real and I am so happy I was! XO
December 12, 2011
Wow, thank you for sharing and I have to add, I could have been the one writing what you wrote almost word for word.
I put a similar post on my blog in the past, but I think I have deleted it. I just figured I am “supposed” to be the happy one everyone turns to. I too am a party planner, interior designer, web site publisher, blogger, love so many different things and try to do them all at once (thank you ADD), mind swirling to the point that I freeze and do nothing or accomplish nothing for days. Then Boom! I’m off and running again with a new burst of energy, a new business plan (like not letting the tail wag the dog and take on every project) and a new outlook on my life.
Kudos!!!
Linda
December 13, 2011
I can’t believe I’m just getting around to reading this now…I’ve been so busy! But I knew I wanted to read it and definitely leave a comment of support. I totally understand wanting to be it all and sometimes getting in funk where you just can’t escape. Glad you made some changes to get back and ready to go. I love your blog and I’m excited you are doing more life stuff as that is the direction I am heading with my blog as well. I LOVE so many things that I don’t feel it’s fair to not give everything I’ve got. Good for you…I’m so happy for you that you’re following your heart!
January 7, 2012
I happened upon your site today via a posting on pinterest and boy am I glad I did! I LOVE celebrations big and small so I was so excited to find you! Then I get to this post and I swear it was like I was looking in a mirror!! I feel as though I have just come out of a funk (it’s been years) and I feel so renewed. I pray that you will find your center and regain and keep your balance so that you can get back to all things positive. It’s kind of disappointing to realize that in the end we are all human and hardly ever match up to the ideas that we think we should be…but there is so much to focus on and we tend to focus negative. Seems like you’ve figured this out and are taking appropriate action…and I am so happy for you!! Know that you are loved (as is obvious by all of supportive comments) and that you are appreciated!! I am so glad that you are sharing yourself with your followers and I look forward to your future posts!!
January 20, 2012
Hi Stephanie, I am just seeing this comment and am so happy I was able to connect with you on so many levels. Yes, I have realized I am not really super woman and I can’t be what I think people want me to be, I have to just be me. I have so many interests/passions from interiors to celebrations, to crafting and baking and who says that I only have to share one side of me. I don’t, cause I say so. Very liberating. So glad you are feeling better
XO
January 28, 2012
This is incredibly moving and inspiring. I think so many of us struggle with these issues, but remain quiet about our “funk”. So many of us are incredibly driven and successful and don’t have time for a “funk”, so we try not to acknowledge it. For me, I am embarrassed that someone who is on the whole, so incredibly blessed, would succumb to a funk…am I blind to my blessings? I love that you put it out there and owned it, letting others know that they are not alone. Here is to navigating the funk when we hit those choppier waters, knowing that we will need to acknowledge the calm glistening waters, just as often.
February 2, 2012
Heather you are not blind to your blessings!!! If you are then I am too and we should party together.
That simply isn’t the case. Sometimes in life I think that people, now matter there emotional, physical or financial riches sometimes become doubtful of who they are, where they fit into the world, or what is their purpose? As long as you know, deep down inside, that you are worth living, you are special to many people and you are on of God’s children then in time it will all get better and your funk will subside. It may comeback from time to time, but that’s OK to. Many XO